I don’t teach students. I teach xbox. I teach ipod and Halo and mp3. I teach rockbands and breakdancers noobies and posers. I teach Twitter Facebook and online bullying. I teach the narrow line between slipshod parenting and overbearing media petstrings. I teach down the aisle of a testscore supermarket. I teach Justin Bieber and Hannah Montana and Saw one through five. I teach the gay kid raised atheist and sent to a Catholic school, and the angry black-haired white chick with the knee-high shit-kickers and a home-pierced beauty mark stud that looks infected. I teach family life and human sexuality to kids who stay up till three watching free clips of internet porn on their flash media players. I teach the loud and the boisterous and the timid and the angry and the giddy and the waiting for something meaningful to tap me on the shoulder. I teach testtaking and desksitting and holding it till the bell rings. I teach bundles of insecurity and helplessness wrapped in grape-scented lipgloss with glitter. I teach giggles and taunting and text-message flirting. I teach body odour and boners and pants put on backwards by accident. I teach digital SMARTBoard PowerPoint presentations and chewing the inside of your cheek to bite back the sobs. I teach the kid whose parents just don’t know what to do anymore. I teach the kid with a ninety-three and the kid with a thirty-nine. I teach e-mails and phonecalls and missing assignments. I teach mohawks and cutmarks and brothers with cancer. I teach band-aids. I teach chewed-up pencils and Redbull and Jolt. I teach in a vacuum that’s sucked up everything good and pure about being human and sat it in desks right in front of me. I teach the treasures of our future and the most significant beings in existence. I teach beauty and hope and something so perfect it can’t be contained. I teach life in a whirlwind that would go on without me. I teach nothing. I teach speechless at the front of a boiling sea of rage and discontent that’s shrouded in a mist of indifference. I teach hate. I teach love. I teach faith. I teach the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule. I teach fear and guilt and forgiveness. I teach control. I teach worth. I teach effort and marks and report cards. I teach subjects.